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From My Crow's Nest



For self-preservation, I learned as a gay youth
to check my emotions, think first, censor responses,
especially to things of a sexual nature.

Decades later, I work part time at a club where
I shine a spot light on several men dressed as women who
repeat the same jokes to each night's eclectic crowd.

Tonight from my crow's nest I watched
a man in the audience, one of a group of four
-- two straight couples, maybe in their mid-30s --

and heard every joke as if for the first time
by watching him, his laughter primal, immediate.
His face blossoming with joy, he'd impulsively look 

past his wife to his male friend to share the laughter.
Tears rolling down my face, I saw but couldn't feel
what it is to be free.


_______________________ (From the Floor

For self-preservation, I learned as a rough youth
to laugh first and loudest,
especially at things of a sexual nature.

Decades later, I wear a woman on my arm to hide
dreams of an all-male brotherhood.
I will never be free.

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4/2/05

* * * *

Copyright 2005 by Greg Baysans

http://members.tripod.com/~poetx/poems/crow.html